Ever been so in your head that just being there make you dizzy? You have so many things you need to do, you want to do that you end doing nothing because you don’t know where to turn? Or when there are so many things happening in your life that you want to tear your hair out and hand it to the next person that comes up to you…in their face?
Yes, I was there. Which is why I have been MIA for the past three weeks. Fam, I had to get away from myself. You are probably asking how the hell do you get away from yourself?
You create a new you. Yes, create a different identity to became as you would create a character for a story. Let me give you some background and maybe you’ll see what I’m talking about.
As you may or may not have realized, I am a lawyer with all the deadlines, blood, sweat, tears and whatever cliches that comes with it. Life can get pretty hectic. Especially if you have a vivid imagination and you have to be serious for a majority of the day (you should see me outside of work – its pretty hilarious). But it starts to bog you down and you start thinking, damn I need a vacation from everything, including the world that you have created for yourself. OR really the world that has been created around you, forming and manipulating what you do and say what it expected of you.
So I did. I took a vacation from my hometown, my job and this country and went to Europe. And I created a new identity each time I went to another country.
In the U.K, I was Lauren – a sassy, outgoing Brit who loves to talk to random people and dance the night away.
In France, I was Genevieve – a quiet, demure French girl who loves to sit out by bistros and watch people and educate them about French history.
In Italy, I was Bianca – an alluring, flirtatious girl who shamelessly flitted from Italian man to Italian man receiving favors for simply smiling at them.
Each new character, each new identity allowed me to be me – without really being me, if that makes sense. Lauren, Genevieve and Bianca are all parts of me. Parts of me that I “created” to give myself an outlet. Think of it this way: when you stretch, you stretch out particular parts of your body at a time. You don’t necessarily stretch out everything at once. You have to take the time to do each part individually, give it the time it needs to warm up and get ready. To allow itself to free up. To reawaken it.
In the world that was set around me, I didn’t have a chance to warm up all the parts of me. I was getting cold and feeling pretty unused. I was like Mental-Muscles dystrophy. Writing helped immensely but even that started to become part of the routine – something I didn’t want to happen. I didn’t have the chance to express the crazy, quirky parts of me and it was killing me inside. When you start falling into a lackluster pattern and start feeling hopelessness, it can be crippling and somewhat dangerous for yourself and others around you. It is then time to take a break from you.
Now I had the blessing and luxury of leaving the country to allow myself to create these new identity but you can do anywhere. Take time away from things that you know and leave the comfort zone. Isolate the parts of you that are there and really free them up. You would be surprised what you find out about yourself. For me, I feel a renewed sense of authorship. I can’t wait to get back into my novel and a new fanfic in makings. I am just glad that I finally had the chance to relax, stretch me out and put myself back together. Most importantly, I owed it to my readers be the best I could be!